10 things i hate (about you)

10 things i needed to get off my chest to start writing again

listen while you read: gloom by djo

there’s something kind of romantic about hating things, especially as a self-proclaimed optimist. not in a bitter way, but more as a way to be honest with myself, a cathartic relief, if you will. so consider this my modern version of kat stratford’s poem, except i’m not secretly in love with what i’m listing, and this will be more of a series of tangents than a poem. these are the things that make me roll my eyes dramatically, rant obsessively to my mom over the phone, and question if irony has officially eaten us all alive.

i figured this would be a good way to build some momentum again with the blog: 10 prompts to get back into writing through a few well-deserved rants.

kat stratford, 10 things i hate about you. 1999.

1. i hate the assumption that tragedy makes art more meaningful

i’d like to introduce this list with some context to my hiatus from writing. it’s been a couple of months since my last piece, and even longer since the period when i was releasing them more regularly. mainly because i noticed that the pieces where i opened my heart and wrote about how broken it was did really well. the other pieces, which actually ended up taking me significantly more time, didn’t. and yes, i’m not entirely writing just for an audience, but performance still matters to me and i love when something i write resonates with people.

unfortunately for you guys, i’ve been so happy, and i haven’t had any new muses lately (which is a good thing. you don’t really want to be one of my muses for this.) i also have to get into a certain state to write about those things, to make sure i feel everything so i can describe it as accurately as possible. but i haven’t had the time to get into that sort of funk, and honestly, i don’t really want to.

i started this blog to process some of the big events and feelings i was going through last year, so it’s felt strange to suddenly change the tone of my writing.

which leads me to this first “hatred”: i’m upset with myself for feeding into this assumption, and i hate how it manifests, both in how my own work performs and in our culture at large.

it’s something that’s been discussed a lot with taylor swift’s recent album too, so much of the commentary around it insists that if it’s not heartbreak, if it’s not folklore-style or soaked in melancholy, then it can’t be meaningful. meanwhile, the voice memos from her writing sessions, raw, imperfect sketches of lyrics and melody, are hailed for their authenticity, as though vulnerability only counts when it’s agony.

if people took a different perspective to the life of a showgirl, i think they’d enjoy it. especially if it were presented in a different tone. but because the album itself is joyful, exuberant, and vibrant, built from a place of triumph rather than tragedy, it is not appreciated as much, similarly to how shake it off was also (and maybe still is) treated. can’t we just have some fun?

why is it that sadness gets automatic respect and joy gets treated like fluff? this discursive double standard drives me crazy.

leading me into my next current angst: this idea bleeds perfectly into the current conversation about taylor swift.

2. i hate the discourse on taylor swift

now, let me preface this by saying that i’m not defending taylor or her album, i actually don’t want to talk about that at all, and that’s the whole point. there is way too much discussion on her album and her life right now, it’s oversaturated. everyone has an opinion, and none of them are original or striking. some are definitely overkill and stretching beyond reason. but also, i’m not saying that i don’t agree with many of the points that are being made either. i just find it incredibly boring when everyone feels the need to make a statement, because the internet becomes a blur of people saying the same exact things. and i just don’t care.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think this is her best work, not in the slightest. but i also don’t care enough to make a huge opinion piece about it. and yeah, i guess i’m contradicting myself a bit based on my commentary above, using her new album as an example of the divide between tragic and happy art. but mainly because i enjoyed the album, i think it’s a fun time, and that’s all. going beyond that is what’s frustrating. you don’t need to like the album, i’m not the art police and i’m not defending it, but does everyone need a hot take beyond simply having an opinion?

it’s the same with the sabrina carpenter discourse, everyone says the same things. i can’t scroll through substack or instagram without someone using the same recycled hook about her branding. i don’t care. i don’t care. every single hot take is cold as ice.

3. i hate people who are so obviously performative and endlessly inauthentic online

this one irks me instantly when i see it. and it’s always from people you actually know in real life too. It’s embarrassing. it’s just the way they pose their faces, they hold the cameras, the way they caption everything. the main thing that comes to mind is that it’s generic.

i do get that social media is performative to some degree and we can’t escape that, but what i’m talking about it beyond that. it’s when someone’s posts don’t line up with how they are in real life. not in a catfishing way, but in a way where their narrative doesn’t match their actual personality. people who like things to fit an aesthetic.

to be fair, i think a lot of this comes from people not being totally sure of who they are, so they’re trying on different personas. and i’ll give some grace for that. but after a while, it’s exhausting. it’s as if their online persona is some celebrity, like everything has been run through a PR team.

i can identify it because i used to do it too. i used to post to create a very specific narrative about myself, but that was in high school, when i was still figuring myself out and cared way too much about how i was perceived. now, i don’t open instagram to admire people’s curated lives or to be their fan, i use it to connect with friends and keep up visually with the people i actually know.

4. i hate when ordinary people start “clout chasing”

this one builds off of the idea of being pretentious and performative online. i don’t even like the term “clout chasing”, but it’s the most accurate way to describe what i mean: someone who seeks attention and social status by associating with popular people or trends. i think it’s a stupid concept regardless, but especially embarrassing when it comes from ordinary people. with celebrities, i do get it. their image is their currency. but when it’s your friends doing it, what’s the point? what do they gain?

the other night actually, i saw someone i know post a picture of them at a blue jays game during the opening night of the world series in toronto. and let’s just say, i found out it wasn’t from that night, which was such a silly thing to me—i actually laughed out loud. and for what? why are you pretending you’re at the world series? i also think that if you cared that much about baseball, you would have been there, you know?

i guess it doesn’t hurt anyone, but it’s hilarious and painfully transparent. because what’s the goal? to seem cool? because it just comes off as inauthentic, and people can see right through it.

5. i hate faking niceties

more performative stuff, i know. i just really don’t have the energy to not be myself anymore, and that includes how i interact with people in real life. if i don’t have anything to say, i won’t say anything. if you’re upset with me and i know it, i’m not going to act like everything’s fine. and if you’re upset with me but pretending you’re not, i won’t be reciprocating that either. it’s infurating really. it’s also such a waste of energy.

i think people should just be honest. i don’t see what’s gained from being phony, especially when both parties are aware of it. and to be clear, being polite isn’t the same thing as faking niceties by the way. i don’t think people should just be straight up rude, but going out of your way to be overly formal (with your friends nonetheless) when you could simply keep your mouth shut, feels pointless.

take exes, for example. i don’t like the whole “how are you doing” charade to make the scene less awkward. unless you’re on good terms, you don’t actually want to know. i’m not going to ask and pretend you didn’t treat me terribly, because guess what? i don’t actually care about how you’re doing now.

6. i hate when people tell you that they’ve moved past something, but every interaction screams otherwise

this one is more about honesty. it’s unfair to lie about how things are between two people—because that’s exactly what it is, lying. i get that context matters, and sometimes people want to avoid more conflict. but when you break it down, if you tell someone that things are okay after an argument, you can’t keep acting like they’re not. that’s confusing and unfair.

personally, i would prefer to be told to f off than to be made to feel like a fool, thinking everything is fine when it clearly isn’t. mixed signals are exhausting. choose a side. i’m not saying you have to be okay with someone, but if you’re not, don’t say you are.

the lack of communication here feels childish and cowardly. if you’re too avoidant to be honest with them, at least let that carry through your actions towards them too. commit all the way and pretend things are fine. cut them off for all i care. just don’t leave them hanging thinking everything is resolved.

it bothers me so much when people don’t express what’s bothering them, and secretly hold resentment against you. how is anyone supposed to know if you won’t communicate? and if you choose to not communicate, fine. but you have to let it go.

7. i hate when people always need to find something to complain about

this one is quite ironic considering the tone of this post. however, if you know me in real life, you know that i will be the first person to offer the positive outlook in a situation. it’s okay to complain, i’m not expecting everyone to be pleased with everything all the time, i’m certainly not (we have 10 examples right here).

but there are very specific people who will always find something to complain about, and you definitely know the type i’m talking about. it’s exhausting. especially when you’re fighting to have a good time yourself. it puts a dark cloud over everything, and it ruins things you are genuinely enjoying. and when you offer an “at least ____” perspective, they’ll have a rebuttal ready anyway.

people need to start actively seeking out things that make them happy. there’s enough to be upset about in life, you don’t have to go looking for more. or hey, keep it to yourself.

8. i hate passive aggression

passive aggression falls under performance for me, which i clearly have a problem with, if you haven’t gathered that by this point. it makes my blood boil, especially because you can’t really call it out. and if you do, you’re met with gaslighting. it’s another way people cop out of communication and honesty, which, as we know, drives me insane.

it’s frustrating when someone’s tone or actions don’t match what you know about the sitution, and you end up being treated like or feeling like you’re crazy. it traps you in this loop where you can’t win: if you ignore it, it eats away at you, and if you address it, you create a problem.

it also makes me feel like i’m being treated as if i’m stupid, which is just a bonus item on the list of things i hate.

9. i hate people who talk about problems they’re having with other mutual friends

this one’s just bad taste. you’re painting a picture of someone without them there to share their side. i don’t really care if this puts the mutual friend in the middle, because that’s half on them, but that’s another issue. this is a direct hatred towards the first friend who decides to share personal issues with someone uninvolved. maybe i just have a problem with people talking behind my back, but it feels very wrong to have those conversations.

this also connects to being performative and faking niceties, because the mutual friend is then stuck choosing between honesty and pretending to be uninvolved. it puts them in a weird spot: holding information against their friend while the other person remains oblivious. it’s manipulative, and it creates this dynamic where one person looks shrewd and the other looks naive.

unlucky for you guys, i’m way smarter than that. things like this don’t slip past me. which is exactly why it infuriates me, because i can see it happening, and yet we all have to pretend nothing is wrong.

10. i hate the obsession with being nonchalant

i don’t understand what’s embarrassing about caring. people who show genuine emotion are instantly labeled as cringey. and no, this isn’t a new concept, but it feels like it’s only gotten worse, and it annoys me, so i’m going to talk about it chalantly. everyone’s too cool to admit they’re excited about anything, and that’s exactly what makes them uncool. but it’s so cool to care.

people don’t even like anything anymore. no one has interests or hobbies. everyone’s just some kind of carbon copy trying to look mysterious in the gym. it’s so boring. emotionally and personally, it’s so boring. and that mindset makes other people feel bad for being excited or passionate about something. i hate when people make you feel stupid for liking things that make you happy. i’ve been on the receiving end of that more times than i’d like to admit.

and honestly, it all comes back to being pretentious and performative. i just want people to be themselves, to stop pretending they don’t feel anything. because being around that is so draining.

anyways, i’m done being a hater for a moment. i feel lighter already. if you made it all the way here, thank you for reading. i hope you’ve enjoyed my exasperated humour, and i’d love to know if you agree or disagree with any of these annoyances.

maybe all this hating is just another way of saying i still care, probably more than i should. ★